See the problem? Listening to reply is not empathy and can create a blind spot that leads to you completely missing something your client just told you was important to them. Often, we are just thinking of ways to spin what they're saying into a segue that leads us back to our product.while they're still talking. In that effort, our preset agenda walking into a meeting often includes products, promotions or talk-tracks that we feel will benefit our clients, but one of the worst mistakes we can make is not being able to "abandon ship" when the client brings up something important to them that doesn't align with our agenda. In a sales role, we always strive to add value with each meeting. Of the many things David taught me, this had the most impact and far reaching application. He was hired by a former employer to work with our sales team on our skills and strategies and one of the first points he brought up was about this very topic. The first time I really stopped to ponder this in depth was a result of a session I took part in with a mentor of mine, David Levesque. Otherwise, you're just stepping on each others' toes trying to make a point and rarely does anyone walk away feeling accomplished.
When your first priority is to make someone feel heard, you're much more likely to be heard yourself. Even in moments when I'm entirely convinced that I'm right, it has been life-changing to pause and table my personal objectives and try to show that I'm genuinely interested in understanding where the other person is coming from - even if I don't agree with them. Think about it: people are much more likely to hear you out when they feel they've been heard, understood and acknowledged. "Seek first to understand, then be understood." This quote has impacted the way I interact with my wife, my colleagues, my clients and my friends. Often times, when arguing or disagreeing with others - we go to great lengths to make a point or to be understood. One of the biggest disconnects that a human being can experience with another is found in the unwillingness to listen. Covey quote above is vital to the essence of this article. It's not a new concept to most, but a warm reminder could be all it takes to lead to life-changing adjustments in how we interact. This discovery has led to many improvements both to my approach as a salesperson, but also my outcomes in all of my relationships. One of the most fascinating social discoveries I've made in my lifetime is the true impact of listening. “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand they listen with the intent to reply.” - Stephen R.